Back in utopian suburbia in the 1950s, parents knew everything about their kids. They knew all of their friends, who they had a crush on, their life's dreams, and all of their interests. Unfortunately, the "me generation" ruined all of that, placing more emphasis on the self and less on the family. These days, the #1 babysitter isn't the high school girl next door, it's the TV. Parents will go out to some special even and leave their kids with a $20 bill for pizza and the remote control. This may seem okay, kids can take care of himself once they're in adolescence, but that doesn't mean that they should be.
I coached the La Jolla rec center's under-12 flag football team, and I had about 14 kids on my team. However, I only met about 10 of the kids' parents. The kids who had the most actively involved parents were clearly superior socially, and they were also far better at taking and following directions. One of my kids was a 12 year old who came from a family with an 80 year old father, his 35 year old mother (trophy wife) and 40 year old half-sister. I met his father once, during the first week of the season, and never saw his mother. Tyler (the kid) was a really cool kid, he and I even had the same taste in music (he already was into stoner music, rap and classic rock), but this kid was definitely going down the wrong path and it was all the fault of his parents. Every game we played I would have to wait with Tyler afterwards while he waited for someone to pick him up...I never actually waited long enough to see them because I'd usually go after 30 or so minutes. These games were on Saturday morning and lasted less than an hour, his mother didn't have a job, yet I never once saw her at a game or practice. Now to get to my point...One week, Tyler was really excited about a rap concert he was going to by himself (12 year olds going to rap concerts without supervision is bad enough) and started to tell me about the last one. "There were these guys next to us smoking weed, and I kept breathing in the smoke and I started to feel high" Now that's in my words, but he told me how cool it was to get a contact high. I think weed is great, and should be legalized (safer than alcohol), but no 12 year old should ever be exposed to it like that. The only way a 12 year old should learn about weed is either in a classroom, or from his parents.
Oblivious is the key word to describe most parents of teenagers. Natalee Holloway's mother claimed that she was a "good-girl", but in reality, she was a party slut who got plastered at a bar (having guys take body shots off her stomach...something I've never gotten to do and I'm almost 25 and have partied a lot) and ended up leaving by herself with three guys. No goody two-shoes would even have been wearing a miniskirt while drinking in a bar. Hell, my parents have never even seen or heard any of my girlfriends. We're given too much privacy as adolescents, and that ends up causing us to drift away from our parents to the point where they are no longer our role models or most trusted advisors.
Celebrities have replaced parents as role models. Back in those idealistic 50s, most little boys wanted to be just like their dad, but now they'd rather be like the guys in Entourage. Girls are worse. Paris Hilton is the role model of millions of girls, and she's the epitome of what this blog is about...parental abandonment. She's a slut, spoiled to no end, ignorant of how others live, and irresponsible. A credit card and trust is not a substitute for a nurturing relationship. I'm amazed at how many people become parents without a love for children. If you don't love kids, why have your own? Most people who don't have that innate desire to be a parent end up being absentee parents. Their kids suffer for it, because they are never able to develop the proper skills to succeed in society.
The season for my last basketball team ended a month ago, but that team was another perfect example of this. One of my kids was anti-social, never wanted to improve at anything and didn't really follow directions. I never met either of his parents, and I coached him 3 days a week for 2 months. His parents have to know that he's going to do a lot of drugs, because he will. I knew enough kids when I was his age (14) who were just like him, and all of them ended up with drug problems. He doesn't just feel abandoned by his parents, he feels animosity and anger towards them for not loving him enough. Even if they really do love him, it's amazing how much just showing up for a basketball or baseball game/practice can do for a kids' feelings about his parents. Kids notice how much of an interest their parents take in their lives, and they will test limits to see what gets them involved. For some, that means they will get into trouble because that's the only way their parents notice them, for others they will try to excel. That drive, however, is innate only in a select few, the rest need the positive influence of their genetic role model. Because once you have kids, that should be your main goal in life, to be the most positive role model your kids can have.
I coached the La Jolla rec center's under-12 flag football team, and I had about 14 kids on my team. However, I only met about 10 of the kids' parents. The kids who had the most actively involved parents were clearly superior socially, and they were also far better at taking and following directions. One of my kids was a 12 year old who came from a family with an 80 year old father, his 35 year old mother (trophy wife) and 40 year old half-sister. I met his father once, during the first week of the season, and never saw his mother. Tyler (the kid) was a really cool kid, he and I even had the same taste in music (he already was into stoner music, rap and classic rock), but this kid was definitely going down the wrong path and it was all the fault of his parents. Every game we played I would have to wait with Tyler afterwards while he waited for someone to pick him up...I never actually waited long enough to see them because I'd usually go after 30 or so minutes. These games were on Saturday morning and lasted less than an hour, his mother didn't have a job, yet I never once saw her at a game or practice. Now to get to my point...One week, Tyler was really excited about a rap concert he was going to by himself (12 year olds going to rap concerts without supervision is bad enough) and started to tell me about the last one. "There were these guys next to us smoking weed, and I kept breathing in the smoke and I started to feel high" Now that's in my words, but he told me how cool it was to get a contact high. I think weed is great, and should be legalized (safer than alcohol), but no 12 year old should ever be exposed to it like that. The only way a 12 year old should learn about weed is either in a classroom, or from his parents.
Oblivious is the key word to describe most parents of teenagers. Natalee Holloway's mother claimed that she was a "good-girl", but in reality, she was a party slut who got plastered at a bar (having guys take body shots off her stomach...something I've never gotten to do and I'm almost 25 and have partied a lot) and ended up leaving by herself with three guys. No goody two-shoes would even have been wearing a miniskirt while drinking in a bar. Hell, my parents have never even seen or heard any of my girlfriends. We're given too much privacy as adolescents, and that ends up causing us to drift away from our parents to the point where they are no longer our role models or most trusted advisors.
Celebrities have replaced parents as role models. Back in those idealistic 50s, most little boys wanted to be just like their dad, but now they'd rather be like the guys in Entourage. Girls are worse. Paris Hilton is the role model of millions of girls, and she's the epitome of what this blog is about...parental abandonment. She's a slut, spoiled to no end, ignorant of how others live, and irresponsible. A credit card and trust is not a substitute for a nurturing relationship. I'm amazed at how many people become parents without a love for children. If you don't love kids, why have your own? Most people who don't have that innate desire to be a parent end up being absentee parents. Their kids suffer for it, because they are never able to develop the proper skills to succeed in society.
The season for my last basketball team ended a month ago, but that team was another perfect example of this. One of my kids was anti-social, never wanted to improve at anything and didn't really follow directions. I never met either of his parents, and I coached him 3 days a week for 2 months. His parents have to know that he's going to do a lot of drugs, because he will. I knew enough kids when I was his age (14) who were just like him, and all of them ended up with drug problems. He doesn't just feel abandoned by his parents, he feels animosity and anger towards them for not loving him enough. Even if they really do love him, it's amazing how much just showing up for a basketball or baseball game/practice can do for a kids' feelings about his parents. Kids notice how much of an interest their parents take in their lives, and they will test limits to see what gets them involved. For some, that means they will get into trouble because that's the only way their parents notice them, for others they will try to excel. That drive, however, is innate only in a select few, the rest need the positive influence of their genetic role model. Because once you have kids, that should be your main goal in life, to be the most positive role model your kids can have.
posted by Dan Pasternack at 4:19 PM
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