On Harassment in the Workplace

So my office made us take this seminar on harassment (sexual and otherwise) this week and it brought a whole lot of thoughts to my mind. To me, the simple fact that companies are required to give harassment training is bad enough, as any case of ACTUAL harassment should be obvious and easily avoidable. It's about common sense, if you think one of your coworkers is attractive, you're not just going to grab her ass, are you? Those days are (sadly) gone...men know this, and those who don't are simply retarded. But this nation did not stop at the cases where it is clear-cut harassment, it's gone way beyond and turned some pretty standard behavior into "harassment". It's one thing when people are setting out to harass, like a Lawyer who requires his paralegals to be orally proficient (and not with her speaking skills...) to keep their job or the boss who institutes a mini-skirt only policy, but not when people are just being people.


I check women out subconsciously, it's part of my nature as a heterosexual man. I am not harassing a woman by checking out the cleavage she's showing off with that low-cut top or those legs exposed by the short skirt, I'm admiring what she's displayed. If she really wanted to be free from objectification, she'd wear a burka and not her cutest outfit. It's the same for me, I am not a stranger to harassment from both women and men. I was asked on a date by a VP at my company once, given shoulder and neck massages (on the sales floor) by a manager at Guess? when I was a salesperson there, and have been cat-called by men and women a number of times, but it's a COMPLIMENT. Even though I am unconfortable when being hit on by gay guys, it's a compliment because they're telling me that I'm someone that they would want to have in their life. How is that an insult?


If Clarence Thomas was Denzell Washington, Anita Hill would have been on her hands and knees for him. It's as simple as that. I actually think that the person who files suit for harassment is also guilty of something: discrimination. If you're going to go as far as claiming that a compliment is harassment, I'd think that getting someone in trouble because they have an uncontrollable attraction is also a crime. I cannot control who I am attracted to and whom I am not. I met this girl when I first moved out to San Diego with whom I had great rapport, but I was simply not physically attracted to her like she was to me. It was hard for me because I wanted to be friends, but she wanted a more physical relationship, so I gave it a shot and it failed miserably and caused the friendship to break down. I then met this gorgeous wide-eyed Mexican/Filipina model who I just couldn't resist even though she was bi-polar and possessive. I didn't want to be attracted to her but I was, and it almost got me into a very bad situation.


Simply put, if harassment is in the eyes of the beholder, isn't it just heresay? A woman can say she is offended by some cartoon or picture her coworker puts in his cubicle, but isn't she just offended by him? It wouldn't matter what he did because she would always be uncomfortable around him because they have a natural personality conflict. The nature of harassment laws is to make only the most conservative people safe from persecution. I compliment women on their outfits or hair when I notice them because I know how much women like that and a compliment can't ever be a bad thing, right? I am not attracted to the middle-aged, overweight woman in my office who constantly calls me "sweety", "honey" and "babe", but I'm certainly not being harassed. Some people are flirty and outgoing by nature, some people have a stick up their ass, and I'd much rather be around people who are friendly to one another than those who say nothing for fear of offending.


I just can't see how this country actually supports laws like these. I totally understand the habitual harassment laws, like for those who are different and get picked on for that difference (whether it's sexual orientation, a big one for guys, or race, etc.) because it is deliberately offensive. If harrassment is extended to things like playboy cartoons or two guys talking about how hot the new girl is while an uglier one is eavesdropping, we're walking a thin line. You're not offended because it's offensive, you're offended because you're overly sensitive and probably have a reason for being that way...GET OVER IT. If you were the fat girl in high school, who cares? I was made fun of for being fat (in middle school and at Tennis and Baseball camps), for being a white guy with a fro, even for being an athlete at a highly academic prep school. So what if someone brings up some old scars, the point of life is to learn from the past and to grow stronger because of it. Unless someone is actually trying to offend, there is nothing that should be taken for an offense. After all, Chris Rock is a multi-millionaire for doing comedy that would probably get me killed if I did it at the Apollo theater, and that's not right. Didn't anyone ever tell these people "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"?